3 FOR ONE...these quotes really resonated with me this week:
"If someone is going down the wrong road, he doesn't need motivation to speed him up. What he needs is education to turn him around." -- Jim Rohn
"For every effect there is a root cause. Find and address the root cause rather than try to fix the effect." -- Celestine Chua
"When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves." -- Viktor FranklTHANKS TO ALL OF YOU WONDERFUL NEIGHBORS WHO SUPPORTED TAMMY IN THE OPENING WEEKEND OF HER NEW STORE HOURS SERVING TWO GUNS EXPRESSO COFFEE, PASTRIES & TAMMY'S SPECIAL BREAKFAST SANDWICH. WE LOVE YOU GUYS FOR SUPPORTING LOCAL BIZ.The Ripe Choice To GoMon. - Sun.: 7am - 4pm312 Rosecrans @ Highland in MB310-546-4800www.theripechoicetogo.com
SIGN UP AT GROWINGCHAMPIONSFORLIFE.COM FREE WEBINAR ON THURSDAY, OCT. 18. AS PARENTS WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET WITH THESE YOUNG ATHLETES.FREE Webinar!
"Overcoming Adversity in Sports and Life"
Date: Thursday, October 18th
Time: 8:00 PM Eastern Time,
45-minute live webinar plus Q & A
I had a conversation with a neighbor this week about an issue he is going through with his child at school. As a result i am basically venting with the below longwinded discourse on youth sports and coaching. Sorry neighbors, grab a breakfast burrito. This is definitely going in the book. First, an article I found. Make sure you read the comment after the article. There were many but i only included this one...mainly because its a long story.
FROM PSYCHOLOGY TODAY:04SEP2012Tags: Bad Coaching, confidence, fear of failure, sports
Posted in Articles for Parents, Sports Psychology, Youth Sports
Below is a quote from one of our athletes who is a 16 year-old high school quarterback who loved football and had the potential to start as a freshman - until the coach destroyed his mental game...
"Going into high school I was a standout athlete with high confidence but after my freshman year I started to lose interest. It just wasn't fun anymore. I hated practice because I was always worrying about messing up and being embarrassed by the coach. In games I worried about what he would do or say if I made a mistake so I became less aggressive. When I thought I did something right he thought it was wrong, and when I tried to work hard and gain his approval it was never good enough. It got to the point where I was making up excuses to get out of practice, and I even hoped I would be benched so I didn't have to worry anymore. I knew the coach was tough, and I have no problems doing extra work or having someone push me to do better. But when he gets in my face, calls me out, embarrasses me in front of the team, and has a problem with me every day it makes me question why I still play. I use to play to learn, compete, be with friends, and have fun. Now I can't wait for the season to be over, and practice is always the worst part of my day. I don't tell anyone how it affects my motivation and confidence because it's football, and everyone complains about the coach. You just have to quit or accept it."
Youth coaches are critical to kids' sports experiences. They can influence whether young athletes enjoy sports and want to continue playing. Some coaches can get kids excited about sports, while other coaches may discourage kids or take the fun out of sports. A good coach can keep kids' interest in sports alive.
Bullied kids think there is something the matter with them. This deflates them and creates a lack of comfort and security in sports. It is possible young athletes are afraid to talk about being bullied by coaches. Often, young athletes' first reaction to being treated this way is shame. They feel as if they somehow caused the coach to treat them badly.
Bullying can hurt an athlete's confidence-in and out of sports. When athletes are being bullied, and singled out by coaches they begin to have doubts about their ability to perform which cause them to question their role in sports.
Athletes who are bullied experience difficulty focusing on what they should focus on. Like this young athlete, they sometimes obsess on the bully. The kids are also afraid. They think, "Should I shoot the ball? Should I pass the ball? Should I get rid of the ball fast?" for example. They focus on the wrong things during sports because they are preoccupied with gaining approval from the coach. Often they are afraid of how the coach will react if they make the wrong decision.
Fear doesn't enhance an athlete's sports experience. And it's not good motivators-although some coaches try to rely on it. Fear is a mental game killer. To really benefit from and enjoy sports, young athletes need to feel confident and safe. That's where you, as sports parents come in.
You, as parents and coaches, can do a lot to help kids who are bullied by their coaches visit Mental Edge Athletics for tips on dealing with bully coaches in sports. You will learn how to identify the characteristics of a bully coach, and how to stand up to coaches who put your athlete's confidence, focus, self-esteem, motivation, and enjoyment of sports at risk.CommenTRichard Stone6:04 pm on July 10, 2011
Our two daughters were bullied by their High School Dance Team coach. The worst of the bullying occurred after the Principal forwarded our emails of concern onto the coach. The coach retaliated against us by bullying our daughters. Our oldest daughter was a Special Needs student and was bullied the worst.
We took our concerns to the Superintendent and even the Town Board of Education, but we were not taken seriously. Our complaints and concerns went unanswered as we were told the matter was a "personnel" matter and therefore could not be discussed. The bullying got worse when we hired an attorney. Having legal representation only made the school become more agitated and annoyed with us.
Only through Freedom of Information Act requests and obtaining correspondences, including emails, of all school personnel involved did we discover the conspiracy and willful effort to deny our claims. A quote from one email written by the Superintendent to the Principal states, "If we continue to refute all allegations then we will shatter the accusations that come in from those parties who are trying to make things such a big deal. Hang in there..." We attempted to speak before the Town Board of Education and were denied to speak freely. A letter written to us by the Superintendent states, "If in the future if you plan to speak at another board meeting during public participation, please refrain from any accusations or allegations against personnel. It is against the board's policy." The efforts by the Town, the School and its employees involved to dismiss our claims were very strong, at times we felt powerless but it only made us stronger in other ways. Our attorney was most surprised by the schools lack of concern and unwillingness to resolve the situation.
We have presented our case to the State Board Of Education Special Education Division over nine day's of Hearings. The facts determined by the Hearing Officer was that there were "outrageous acts of bullying" by the coach and that the Board "failed to appropriately reprimand" the coach, "and in fact, the Board acquiesced in the bullying by demoting the Student and supporting the advisor's outrageous behavior".The Hearing Officer found that my oldest daughters Civil Rights were violated under the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. The school has sought to appeal this decision and we are currently awaiting trial in Federal Court. The local News channel recently covered the story and can be seen on youtube.com at,http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWvEWzzBETU
For all those parents that find it too difficult to fight city hall, don't give up for what you believe in. In the end, justice will prevail and the findings will benefit all of us by forcing schools to be responsible and accountable for their actions, or in our situation, their lack of action.
END OF ARTICLE.
Ok, now my tangent.We put too much emphasis on the here & now with coaching kids without thinking of the impact it may have months or years from now. How a kid is coached as a youth athlete (and this includes HS) may determine how this kid learns to handle relationships; co-workers; friends; kids...in addition to the other things you get from playing sports. By the way, drama, dance, Model UN are all sports. I try to get my kids to believe studying is a sport but that hasnt played out like i hoped.After a certain age I let my kids handle their relationship with coaches & teachers yet it is hard to watch your kid go through these things. All you can do is stay close to your kid so they do not go over the edge. IF WE CONSISTENTLY WORK TO IMPROVE HOW WE TEACH ON THE ACADEMIC SIDE (VS. 30-YRS AGO) WE SHOULD WORK JUST AS HARD TO IMPROVE HOW WE HANDLE OUR STUDENT ATHLETES ON THE SPORTS SIDE. The amount of time these coaches spend with our kids is almost equal to the amount of time in school. Its not about too much discipline. Athletes are used to discipline AND LIKE DISCIPLINE...John Wooden was a disciplinary coach but his players were at his feet 30-years later still asking his advice. ITS ABOUT RESPECT!
I tell my kids they will win either way. It is wonderfull for these boys when their youth coaches are positive mentors who help them become healty young adults. I tell my boys they still win with bad coaching by learning to work through adversity; learning to manage a hostile environment; learning to gut it out and finish; LEARNING NOT TO ACT LIKE A VICTIM & if they ever become a coach how to be a leader. I hope we have instilled strong character in my HS freshman son to handle the next 4 years. I wish a HS would challenge me (and pay me) with the task of turning their sports program into a role model for High Schools everywhere. That could be a new career that I would find rewarding.THE BEST THING WE CAN DO AS PARENTS IS MAKE SURE WE DO NOT CREATE THE SAME ENVIRONMENT AT HOME...imagine if an uncaring environment at home and then a kid goes into that kind of situation at school...holy cow that kid doesnt stand a chance.
I GOT TO MEET FOUR TUSKEGEE AIRMEN. If you know there story and the hell they went through at home and in the skies during World War II you would also think that is very cool. I enjoyed talking with them.
FOR THE FAMILY CALENDAR:
-- FAMILY HALLOWEEN CARNIVAL: Sat., October 20, 12PM - 4:00PM @ Manhattan Heights Park, 1600 Manhattan Beach Blvd.
MANHATTAN BEACH YOUTH BASKETBALL SIGN-UP DEADLINE IS OCT. 30. REGISTER ONLINE.
everything online, late fees after that and earlier start with uniforms and practices (optional).
NEW NEIGHBOR WITH A LOCAL BUSINESS...ROCK GODDESS JEWELRY
Manhattan Beach . Chicago
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PAGES BOOKSTORE FEATURING A LOCAL POET...a young at heart gentlemen who embodies the idea of follow your passion...eventually it will reward you with fullfillment.
Come join us for an unforgettable evening of poetry with Gerard Sarnat on Saturday October 20th at 7pm. He will be reading from his new book, Disputes.
San Jose Mercury piece: http://gerardsarnat.com/bio/homeless.htmlVisit Gerard Sarnat.comA virginal poet at the tender age of sixty-four, since 2008 Gerard Sarnat has been published in over sixty journals and anthologies. Gerry has received awards inside and outside the US. In 2009 Sarnat began editing literary journals. In 2010 Pessoa Press published his first poetry collection HOMELESS CHRONICLES from Abraham to Burning Man. Sarnat's Harvard and Stanford educated, a Diplomate of the American Board of Internal Medicine, and a Fellow of the American College of Physicians. He has been a professor at Stanford Medical School, and CEO/chief medical officer for national healthcare companies. Gerry has set up and staffed clinics for the disenfranchised, served on international non-profit boards and chaired community organizations. Gerry's a father of three, grandpa to two, and has been married forty-plus years.
DID YOU KNOW?
-- THIS IS WILD...8% = extra portion of their income-tax bill that German Roman Catholics must forfeit to the church, according to a new decree; those who don't will no longer be considered Catholics. (in Time mag)
-- Urban agriculture...true organic landscaping Chicago's O'Hare Airport plans to use goats, sheep or other grazing stock to consume heavy brush on part of the city's property.
-- 3'8" tall = Zeus the Great Dane. A Michigan dog that is officially the tallest canine in the world, according to the 2013 Guinness World Records. Other notable additions: most piercings on the face = 280 & largest collection of shoes = 15,665 (I assume that is an MBM)
THIS IS BECOMING MY WORLD...
A senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone
rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
HAVE A GREAT WEEKEND, NEIGHBORS!!!