HAPPY FRIDAY, NEIHBORS!!! OCT. 12, 2012

Below is a quote from one of our athletes who is a 16 year-old high school quarterback who loved football and had the potential to start as a freshman - until the coach destroyed his mental game...

"Going into high school I was a standout athlete with high confidence but after my freshman year I started to lose interest. It just wasn't fun anymore. I hated practice because I was always worrying about messing up and being embarrassed by the coach. In games I worried about what he would do or say if I made a mistake so I became less aggressive. When I thought I did something right he thought it was wrong, and when I tried to work hard and gain his approval it was never good enough. It got to the point where I was making up excuses to get out of practice, and I even hoped I would be benched so I didn't have to worry anymore. I knew the coach was tough, and I have no problems doing extra work or having someone push me to do better. But when he gets in my face, calls me out, embarrasses me in front of the team, and has a problem with me every day it makes me question why I still play. I use to play to learn, compete, be with friends, and have fun. Now I can't wait for the season to be over, and practice is always the worst part of my day. I don't tell anyone how it affects my motivation and confidence because it's football, and everyone complains about the coach. You just have to quit or accept it."

Youth coaches are critical to kids' sports experiences. They can influence whether young athletes enjoy sports and want to continue playing. Some coaches can get kids excited about sports, while other coaches may discourage kids or take the fun out of sports. A good coach can keep kids' interest in sports alive.

Bullied kids think there is something the matter with them. This deflates them and creates a lack of comfort and security in sports. It is possible young athletes are afraid to talk about being bullied by coaches. Often, young athletes' first reaction to being treated this way is shame. They feel as if they somehow caused the coach to treat them badly.

Bullying can hurt an athlete's confidence-in and out of sports. When athletes are being bullied, and singled out by coaches they begin to have doubts about their ability to perform which cause them to question their role in sports.

Athletes who are bullied experience difficulty focusing on what they should focus on. Like this young athlete, they sometimes obsess on the bully. The kids are also afraid. They think, "Should I shoot the ball? Should I pass the ball? Should I get rid of the ball fast?" for example. They focus on the wrong things during sports because they are preoccupied with gaining approval from the coach. Often they are afraid of how the coach will react if they make the wrong decision.

Fear doesn't enhance an athlete's sports experience. And it's not good motivators-although some coaches try to rely on it. Fear is a mental game killer. To really benefit from and enjoy sports, young athletes need to feel confident and safe. That's where you, as sports parents come in.

You, as parents and coaches, can do a lot to help kids who are bullied by their coaches visit Mental Edge Athletics for tips on dealing with bully coaches in sports. You will learn how to identify the characteristics of a bully coach, and how to stand up to coaches who put your athlete's confidence, focus, self-esteem, motivation, and enjoyment of sports at risk.

Our two daughters were bullied by their High School Dance Team coach. The worst of the bullying occurred after the Principal forwarded our emails of concern onto the coach. The coach retaliated against us by bullying our daughters. Our oldest daughter was a Special Needs student and was bullied the worst.

We took our concerns to the Superintendent and even the Town Board of Education, but we were not taken seriously. Our complaints and concerns went unanswered as we were told the matter was a "personnel" matter and therefore could not be discussed. The bullying got worse when we hired an attorney. Having legal representation only made the school become more agitated and annoyed with us.

Only through Freedom of Information Act requests and obtaining correspondences, including emails, of all school personnel involved did we discover the conspiracy and willful effort to deny our claims. A quote from one email written by the Superintendent to the Principal states, "If we continue to refute all allegations then we will shatter the accusations that come in from those parties who are trying to make things such a big deal. Hang in there..." We attempted to speak before the Town Board of Education and were denied to speak freely. A letter written to us by the Superintendent states, "If in the future if you plan to speak at another board meeting during public participation, please refrain from any accusations or allegations against personnel. It is against the board's policy." The efforts by the Town, the School and its employees involved to dismiss our claims were very strong, at times we felt powerless but it only made us stronger in other ways. Our attorney was most surprised by the schools lack of concern and unwillingness to resolve the situation.

We have presented our case to the State Board Of Education Special Education Division over nine day's of Hearings. The facts determined by the Hearing Officer was that there were "outrageous acts of bullying" by the coach and that the Board "failed to appropriately reprimand" the coach, "and in fact, the Board acquiesced in the bullying by demoting the Student and supporting the advisor's outrageous behavior".

For all those parents that find it too difficult to fight city hall, don't give up for what you believe in. In the end, justice will prevail and the findings will benefit all of us by forcing schools to be responsible and accountable for their actions, or in our situation, their lack of action.

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